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Healthy friendship with healthy boundaries between two women in a flower field

How to Set Boundaries Without Crossing the Line

Healthy relationships and friendships are built on trust, common interests, communications, and clear boundaries. Setting boundaries is essential to having a healthy life, but for many, it is a difficult task to accomplish. Many of us are people-pleasers and thrive on extending ourselves too far to please others. Understand that setting boundaries will not make others dislike you, but it will make others respect you. We work closely with clients at Miami Hypnosis & Therapy on building tools to understand and establish boundaries that improves quality of life for both clients and their loved ones.

To begin the process of setting boundaries, you must do the work of learning how to understand your limits, and realize that this will take courage and practice. It is a skill that you can master over time. When you think of how to set boundaries, understand that boundaries are not based on restrictions ⁠— they are based on values that are important to you, which will help you to live a more genuine and authentic life.

How to Know if You Need to Set Boundaries

There are a few telltale signs to look for, including:

  • You hate saying “no” to people.
  • You put other people’s needs ahead of your own.
  • You find yourself feeling a lot of guilt and anxiety.
  • You feel more resentment instead of love toward others.

The following steps are the basics for learning how to set boundaries and can help get you on a healthier life path with solid, sustainable boundaries.

Step 1. Name Your Limits

Think about what your physical, mental, and emotional needs are regarding what you can tolerate and handle, as well as what makes you feel stressed or uncomfortable.

  • If someone says or does something that makes you uncomfortable or upset, it is perfectly fine to let them know.
  • Communication is the key, and knowing when to say no is vital because the word “no” is a complete sentence.

Standing up for yourself is especially hard if you suffer from low self-esteem, but setting healthy boundaries is how you can start to improve your sense of self-worth.

Red Journal to write down values and boundaries in

Step 2 – Identify Your Values

When you think about how to set boundaries, start by taking a few minutes each day and ask yourself what are the most important things to you. These are your core values. Examples of some core values include:

  • Honesty
  • Knowledge
  • Justice
  • Family
  • Creativity

Step 3. Create Boundaries That Help Honor Your Values

Develop boundaries that help protect what you value most in your life. How these boundaries are set up should be in sections that divide the various aspects of your life, including:

  • Work
  • Relationships
  • Self

Step 4. Be Ready for People to Resist Your Boundaries

Once your boundaries are set, there will be those that do not like them and will resist and push away from them. Stay strong and firm in your stance, because if you maintain your boundaries, others will have to learn how to control themselves rather than controlling you. Likewise, your friendships may grow stronger as a result.

Some people are very controlling of others, but there are things you can do when others resist your boundaries and are trying to control you, including:

  • Realize the person who is upset is the one with the problem
  • View their anger realistically, because it is not about you
  • Don’t allow their displeasure to cause you to loosen your boundaries for fear of losing them
  • Don’t let their irritation make you angry
  • Walk away, take a breath and let it go

Setting healthy boundaries is a win-win for everyone involved, especially for you. With these new boundaries, your self-esteem and confidence will grow because you are taking pride in yourself, and it will shine through to others.

Step 5. Seek Support

Sometimes it is too difficult to set boundaries, especially if you are a people-pleaser or even codependent. This step will be challenging, but remember, no one will love you less just because you respect yourself.

At Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, our full range of services includes hypnotherapy. This highly effective treatment is often combined with other forms of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) as well as neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

If you are struggling with how to set boundaries, Miami Hypnosis and Therapy can help. We have a vast array of treatments that are uniquely designed for each client because no one person has the same needs when it comes to setting healthy boundaries.

Contact us today and start feeling better by taking the first step to transforming your life with strong and healthy boundaries!

Man and woman sitting not facing each other looking serious

How to Deal with Conflict: 10 Tips to Calm the Chaos

Conflict in relationships rises from having different opinions and unspoken expectations couples may have. These differences might seem trivial, but they can trigger unsettling feelings that stem from a more deep-seated personal need.

Just because a couple has a conflict does not mean the relationship is in trouble. Conflicts, when handled properly, can even help strengthen relationships. Constructively dealing with disputes can help you gain a better understanding of your partner as well as bring you both closer in the end. If not appropriately addressed, conflicts can escalate and end up creating a permanent wedge in your relationship.

Conflict Basics

So, just how does someone deal with conflict? You first need to understand the basics of conflict:

  • A conflict is more than just a disagreement — A conflict is perceived as a threat, regardless of whether it is a real threat or not.
  • Conflict will continue to fester if ignored — These perceived threats will linger until they are addressed and resolved.
  • Our response to conflict is often based on our perceptions — Our perceptions have been created due to life experiences, beliefs, and culture.
  • Conflicts trigger strong emotions — People who get stressed easily will find it more difficult to resolve disputes.
  • Dealing with conflicts can be an opportunity for growth — When you can resolve conflicts, it builds trust, which is vital for long-lasting relationships.

Man and woman embracing at sunset

10 Tips for Attaining Conflict Resolution

The following conflict management tips will help provide positive ways to deal with adverse situations.

1.  Be Direct. Speak up and let your partner know what is bothering you instead of expressing displeasure in more indirect ways, which often leads to lashing out at a later time.

2. Talk to Your Partner Productively. Convey how you feel about a specific problem and the impact it is having on you by using I-based statements such as:

  • I feel (the strongest feeling)
  • When you (the objective description of the behavior)
  • Because (the specific impact or consequence)
  • I would like (what you want the person to do in the future to prevent this problem from occurring again)

Using I-based statements focuses on how you feel without blaming your partner, and the behavior descriptions focus on a specific behavior that your partner is engaging in rather than a character flaw.

3. Choose Your Words Wisely. Word choice is critical when dealing with conflict. You should avoid using extreme words like “never” and “always.” These words create a generalization about your partner and will cause them to become defensive.

4. Deal With One Issue at a Time. Bringing up multiple issues instead of focusing on one at a time will result in nothing being resolved efficiently.

5. Be an Active Listener. Active listening is a great conflict management tip that lets your partner know that you have heard what they said without interrupting. After your partner has spoken, you will then paraphrase what they said, rephrasing it in your own words. This process helps prevent any misunderstandings before they start.

6. Hold Your Tongue When Hearing Your Partner’s Complaints. When we hear criticism from others, it can be difficult not to get defensive, but getting defensive will only escalate matters. Other things to avoid when dealing with conflict include:

  • Saying “Yes, but…” may suggest that the views of your partner do not matter.
  • Cross-complaining will cause the conflict to escalate and portrays another defensive behavior.

7. Look at Things From Your Partner’s Point of View. Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes can help you see things from a different perspective, which can de-escalate anger.

8. Refrain From Contemptuous Remarks. When you make contemptuous remarks, you belittle your partner.

9. Balance the Positive With the Negative. Negative remarks back and forth will only create more anger and upset. Try incorporating something humorous and light-hearted, which will break up the negative pattern of words.

10.  Know When to Take a Time Out. Sometimes, we need to walk away for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths. If you find you and your partner falling into a negative tunnel that neither of you can get out of, then politely let your partner know that you need to step away for a few minutes to clear your head.

Couple standing far apart looking out at city holding hands

Sometimes dealing with conflict feels too complicated, and you feel you can benefit from professional help. Professional therapy is a productive, safe way to resolve your interpersonal conflicts with friends, partners, or family. If you need a family conflict therapist in Miami, Miami Hypnosis and Therapy offers a vast array of therapies to assist, including:

Contact us today to discover new ways of living with your loved ones in harmony, navigating conflict with tools that will enhance all of your relationships.

Man sitting at airport terminal looking at plane

Travel Anxiety Tips to Help Manage the Fear of Flying Phobia

Roughly 20 million Americans suffer from a fear of flying, also known as aerophobia. Just the thought of getting on an airplane is too much for many people, so they may avoid flying entirely.

What causes a fear of flying, and are there any treatment options available? Can you ever wholly rid yourself of this life-restricting phobia?

Causes of Aerophobia

Although there is no specific cause of aerophobia, if a person has a fear of heights, they usually also have a fear of flying. More often, people fear flying because they have no control over their situation or their safety.

Child covering eyes from fear of heights

Sometimes this fear can be genetically inherited, or it may be modeled to children by their parents, but once you have a fear of flying phobia, it can restrict you and make you feel as if you can’t do the things you want to do, including travel.

Symptoms of Aerophobia

Every person’s reactions are different. Depending on the severity of the fear, the following are a few symptoms that may occur:

  • Increased heart rate
  • Shortness of breath
  • Nausea

Treatment Options

One of the best forms of treating fear of flying is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). The basis of CBT is that our thoughts create our feelings, which result in our behaviors. If we change our thoughts, we alter our behaviors.

CBT allows a person to manage their fears by helping to change the way that person thinks gradually. CBT helps a person develop a sense of mastery and confidence about their thoughts and feelings, so they feel less overwhelmed by them.

The CBT process also includes exposure-based strategies – This type of treatment gradually exposes the person to face their fear but in small steps. Exposure-based strategies for aerophobia might include reading about airplanes and how they function, or going to the airport and watching planes take off.

By exposing yourself to your fear of flying phobia, you gently get acquainted with the fear and emotionally embrace it rather than run from it.

Travel Anxiety Tips

Managing anxiety is critical when traveling, and fortunately, some powerful tips can help get you airborne calmly rather than in panic mode.

1. Learn Your Triggers – Knowing what triggers your anxiety when flying can help prevent the fear of flying from becoming activated. Some common aerophobia triggers are:

  • When the plane takes off
  • When there is turbulence
  • When the plane lands

Being prepared is vital when it comes to fear of flying phobias. If you know that something is about to happen that will bring about anxiety, you can plan to cope with it in advance.

2. Get the Facts on Flying – Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to treating the fear of flying.

  • Replace “What if..?” thoughts with facts, because anxiety thrives off of ignorance.
  • Read up on how airplanes work and what causes turbulence.
  • Don’t give in to anxiety-ridden thoughts; instead, do the opposite. Allow the feeling to pass as though you are going through an ocean wave.

One fact that might alleviate a fear of flying phobia is knowing that around 10,000 planes are airborne at any given moment, safely carrying passengers to their destinations.

3. Utilize Other Coping Skills – Distract negative thoughts by focusing on other things.

Distracting the mind from any negative thoughts can be extremely beneficial. Instead of fighting the anxiety about flying, you can change the course of your thought pattern and focus on something else. When you fight the thought, it gives it more energy, almost like adding fuel to the fire. Refocus and restart your thoughts.

4. Seek Outside Assistance – Sometimes, the fear of flying phobia is too overwhelming, and seeking outside help is the only answer. A few of the most productive treatments include:

At Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, we utilize multiple treatments that work together to help each patient. We understand that phobias affect everyone differently, and so we create unique treatment plans for each patient.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy for fear of flying is beneficial, but when it is incorporated along with NLP and hypnosis, the treatment is not only expedited, it is far more effective.

Don’t let your phobia prevent you from enjoying life. Contact us today, and start living in peace instead of panic.

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