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Healthy friendship with healthy boundaries between two women in a flower field

How to Set Boundaries Without Crossing the Line

Healthy relationships and friendships are built on trust, common interests, communications, and clear boundaries. Setting boundaries is essential to having a healthy life, but for many, it is a difficult task to accomplish. Many of us are people-pleasers and thrive on extending ourselves too far to please others. Understand that setting boundaries will not make others dislike you, but it will make others respect you. We work closely with clients at Miami Hypnosis & Therapy on building tools to understand and establish boundaries that improves quality of life for both clients and their loved ones.

To begin the process of setting boundaries, you must do the work of learning how to understand your limits, and realize that this will take courage and practice. It is a skill that you can master over time. When you think of how to set boundaries, understand that boundaries are not based on restrictions ⁠— they are based on values that are important to you, which will help you to live a more genuine and authentic life.

How to Know if You Need to Set Boundaries

There are a few telltale signs to look for, including:

  • You hate saying “no” to people.
  • You put other people’s needs ahead of your own.
  • You find yourself feeling a lot of guilt and anxiety.
  • You feel more resentment instead of love toward others.

The following steps are the basics for learning how to set boundaries and can help get you on a healthier life path with solid, sustainable boundaries.

Step 1. Name Your Limits

Think about what your physical, mental, and emotional needs are regarding what you can tolerate and handle, as well as what makes you feel stressed or uncomfortable.

  • If someone says or does something that makes you uncomfortable or upset, it is perfectly fine to let them know.
  • Communication is the key, and knowing when to say no is vital because the word “no” is a complete sentence.

Standing up for yourself is especially hard if you suffer from low self-esteem, but setting healthy boundaries is how you can start to improve your sense of self-worth.

Red Journal to write down values and boundaries in

Step 2 – Identify Your Values

When you think about how to set boundaries, start by taking a few minutes each day and ask yourself what are the most important things to you. These are your core values. Examples of some core values include:

  • Honesty
  • Knowledge
  • Justice
  • Family
  • Creativity

Step 3. Create Boundaries That Help Honor Your Values

Develop boundaries that help protect what you value most in your life. How these boundaries are set up should be in sections that divide the various aspects of your life, including:

  • Work
  • Relationships
  • Self

Step 4. Be Ready for People to Resist Your Boundaries

Once your boundaries are set, there will be those that do not like them and will resist and push away from them. Stay strong and firm in your stance, because if you maintain your boundaries, others will have to learn how to control themselves rather than controlling you. Likewise, your friendships may grow stronger as a result.

Some people are very controlling of others, but there are things you can do when others resist your boundaries and are trying to control you, including:

  • Realize the person who is upset is the one with the problem
  • View their anger realistically, because it is not about you
  • Don’t allow their displeasure to cause you to loosen your boundaries for fear of losing them
  • Don’t let their irritation make you angry
  • Walk away, take a breath and let it go

Setting healthy boundaries is a win-win for everyone involved, especially for you. With these new boundaries, your self-esteem and confidence will grow because you are taking pride in yourself, and it will shine through to others.

Step 5. Seek Support

Sometimes it is too difficult to set boundaries, especially if you are a people-pleaser or even codependent. This step will be challenging, but remember, no one will love you less just because you respect yourself.

At Miami Hypnosis and Therapy, our full range of services includes hypnotherapy. This highly effective treatment is often combined with other forms of therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) as well as neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

If you are struggling with how to set boundaries, Miami Hypnosis and Therapy can help. We have a vast array of treatments that are uniquely designed for each client because no one person has the same needs when it comes to setting healthy boundaries.

Contact us today and start feeling better by taking the first step to transforming your life with strong and healthy boundaries!

Anna Marchenko

Anna Marchenko, LMHC, M.A., Ed.M. is the principal therapist at Miami Hypnosis and Therapy. She holds a bachelor's degree from NYU and dual masters degrees from Columbia University. Marchenko’s hypnosis certification is from the only hypnosis program in Florida that has been certified by the state’s Board of Education. She helps her clients by utilizing an integrative approach to psychotherapy, tailored to each individual’s mental health journey, drawing from hypnotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, NLP therapy, EMDR, and more.

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